


Eat the Stupid

by rorywritesstuff



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Young Avengers (Comics)
Genre: Awful People, Bedtime Stories, Eugenics, Father-Son Relationship, M/M, Parenthood, Screenplay/Script Format, Storytelling, fairytale, stupid people, the three little pigs - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 12:59:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10412688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rorywritesstuff/pseuds/rorywritesstuff
Summary: Sam has some astringent political views.Using the same kid they had in 'Bedtime', but slightly older. Also, in stageplay format.





	

_Teddy sits with Sam in his lap. It is almost Sam’s bedtime._  
TEDDY:  
What story do you want tonight, Sam-Sam?  
SAM:  
The pigs!   
TEDDY:  
Okay, well, will you help me tell it? I can’t remember all of it.  
SAM:  
Yeah.  
TEDDY:  
Alright: once upon a time, there were three little pigs: Theo, Thornton and Thaddeus. When they were fully-grown their mother said “It’s time-  
SAM:  
She doesn’t sound like that.  
TEDDY:  
Oh, sorry.  
 _Teddy changes his voice_  
“It’s time to move out of my house. Go build houses of your own.”   
_Teddy reverts to his normal voice._  
And so they set off into the world to find space to build a house. At first they were going to live together, but then Thaddeus found that the other pigs didn’t do their share of the housework.  
SAM:  
Like daddy.  
TEDDY:  
Exactly like daddy. So they all decided to build their own separate house. Theo was very, very lazy  
SAM:  
Like daddy!  
TEDDY:  
Yes. That is like daddy. Theo found some straw lying around-  
SAM:  
Why was there straw?  
TEDDY:  
Because it was a big forest.  
SAM:  
Okay.  
TEDDY:  
He found some straw lying around and fashioned it into a hut.  
 _Teddy changes his voice._  
“I can live here!” He said. Thornton was a little less lazy, but not much. He pulled some twigs from the trees and made a house from them and said  
 _Teddy alters his voice._  
“I can live here.”  
 _Normal voice_  
And he went inside. But Thaddeus was not lazy. He spent days building a house from bricks and mortar.  
SAM:  
What’s mortar?  
 _Teddy isn’t quite sure._  
TEDDY:  
It’s not important. The important thing is: Theo and Thornton’s houses were very weak. And Thaddeus’ house was very strong.  
SAM:  
Like you!  
TEDDY:  
Yes. Exactly. Because Thaddeus put in a lot of work, like dad every day at the gym, his house was ripped and beautiful. Now, there was a wolf in the forest. It was big and it was mean and it wanted to eat the little pigs.   
_Sam thrills at this. This is his favourite part._  
It crept about the forest looking for them. And first, it came across Theo’s house, made of straw. It knocked on the door-  
SAM:  
How does straw have a door?  
 _Pause._  
TEDDY:  
The door was made of straw.  
SAM:  
Oh.   
TEDDY:  
The wolf knocked on the door and said  
 _Teddy gruffs up his voice_  
“Little pig, little pig, let me come in!”  
 _Teddy changes his voice again_  
“Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!”  
 _Back to the wolf voice_  
“Then, I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in!”  
 _Back to normal voice_  
And then wolf took in a deep lungful of air and blew the house down.   
_Teddy mimes blowing a deep breath, Sam giggles._  
Theo shrieked and ran away. He ran to his brother’s house-  
SAM:  
No!  
TEDDY:  
What?  
SAM:  
The wolf eats him.  
TEDDY:  
No, he doesn’t.  
SAM:  
Yes, he does! The wolf eats Theo.   
TEDDY:  
Theo gets away, he goes to Thornton and then they go to Thaddeus-  
SAM:  
No! They get eaten and they die!  
 _Teddy is disturbed at his son’s insistence on this point._  
TEDDY:  
There’s lots of different versions of this story-  
SAM:  
They get eaten and they die because they deserve it!  
 _Teddy is horrified by hearing his son say this._  
TEDDY:  
What? Why do they deserve it?  
SAM:  
Because they’re stupid. And lazy. Like daddy.  
TEDDY:  
No, no, Sam, we don’t say that, okay? We don’t talk like that.   
SAM:  
But the wolf eats the pigs!  
TEDDY:  
No, he doesn’t. They all get away. They all live happily ever after.   
SAM:  
Only Thaddeus. And Thaddeus kills the wolf.  
TEDDY:  
That’s not what happens. The wolf runs away and learns his lesson. And he’s never mean again.   
_Sam pouts and stands up from Teddy’s lap._  
SAM:  
I don’t like your story.   
_He turns away from Teddy. Time passes and Billy, Sam’s other father, comes home. Teddy tells him what happened._  
BILLY:  
Goodness, that’s terrifying.   
TEDDY:  
Yeah.   
BILLY:  
Where did he pick this up?  
TEDDY:   
I have no idea.  
BILLY:  
How do we stop this?  
TEDDY:  
I don’t know.  
BILLY:  
I don’t want our son to be a bully.  
TEDDY:  
It’s not bullying, really- it’s more like…Eugenics.  
BILLY:  
Oh God, that’s even worse.  
TEDDY:  
Yeah.   
BILLY:  
Who made him like this?  
TEDDY:  
I guess we did. Are we awful?   
BILLY:  
No. No. We’ve just made some mistakes. But we’ll improve. We’re not awful.  
TEDDY:  
No. No. We’re not awful.  
BILLY:  
Awful people don’t admit when they’ve messed up.  
TEDDY:  
Right, or awful people are stupid. They don’t recognise what they’re doing is wrong.  
BILLY:  
Yeah. Exactly. We don’t hold truck with awful people. We avoid them. We don’t engage with them.  
TEDDY:  
Yes, we ostracise them. We make sure they know they have no place in our lives.  
BILLY:  
We make sure Sam knows who they are. So he knows we don’t like them.   
TEDDY:  
Yes, we-  
 _Sam suddenly appears and has been listening the whole time._  
SAM:  
-eat them.


End file.
